five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
