Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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