I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
