bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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