I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
