it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
