this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
