ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
