booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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