I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
