this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
