You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My life is pants optional.
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