..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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