I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
