my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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