We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can text with my tongue
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
