hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
a search helicopter?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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