i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
