I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His nipple licking is glorious
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