i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
