okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
