You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
