He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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