So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
