btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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