his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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