Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
