I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
