I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
