What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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