I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Operation Purity has been aborted
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
