I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You pole danced in your parka.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
