I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
