i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
