I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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