Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
