I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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