if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
