How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
