so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
