Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
