I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
