Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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