weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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