i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
