so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
