did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
