why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
