Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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