I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
