so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
