we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
