it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
