man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
