i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
