Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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