There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
