Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
