A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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