I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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