Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am available for nakedness
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
