I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
