He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
