i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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