The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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