I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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