apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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