Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
