I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
