so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
