Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
